dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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