There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
