When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
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Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
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We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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