it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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