Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I accidentally had phone sex last night
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
