And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
