DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
