So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
