I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He shit in the fireplace
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
