Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Randomize
