There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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