I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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