u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
