I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
