You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
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