You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
