I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
