how hairy? two words: wookie tits
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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