sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Found your dick twin last night
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
