Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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