Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
