I showed him my bush... on skype.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
