my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
