my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
