ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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