So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
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I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
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I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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