The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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