I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
God gave him joint rollers for hands
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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