Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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