Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
