saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
