I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
