We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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