Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
