Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
