so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
