o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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