The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
