NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
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yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
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Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize