remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
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I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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