remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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