All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He? As in you personified your dick?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize