My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
