i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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