Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
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