He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
