OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
