I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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