ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
