I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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