my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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