btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
