Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
