I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
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I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
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Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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