do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
We left the knife in your bed.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
