I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
