a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
