508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
