I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
